Odd

The past 24 hours of my life have been weird enough to warrant a blog entry.

One of my old college friends is in town visiting. I hadn't seen her in over six years. We decided to have a movie night. First we watched the perennial bad-movie favorite, Troll 2. I'll probably write more about Troll 2 later, as it is a very weird but very important part of my life. We also watched Gozu, which left a bad taste in my mouth. It was Japanese and billed as a horror movie, and though it was horrific, it was clearly not horror. It was a gangster movie with lot of lactation. Like, a lot. And weird genitalia. And...a soup ladle used in a way I don't care to write about. It was disturbing and gross. And I like wacky disturbing Japanese horror movies. I found my mind wandering through most of Gozu because I've had trouble focusing lately. That's a different story, though.

It snowed in Seattle today. It's the end of March. It's spring! I've lived here 12 years, and never seen it snow this time of year. The snow makes the next part of my weird day even weirder.

I have a cute little pet rat named Roman. He's my baby. Look at him. Isn't he cute?


Unfortunately, Roman (like many rats his age) is very prone to skin problems including abscesses. Because of this, I've been spending a lot of time at the vet's office lately. He also has chronic respiratory problems (specifically mycoplasmosis, which is a common ailment among geriatric rats). Roman has been on several antibiotics and I've had to have his abscesses lanced and flushed twice now. I was on my way to the vet today, when I had a coffee craving. I was early, so I thought I'd hit the nearest espresso stand.

Believe it or not, it took me a while to find an espresso stand. Usually in Seattle, you can't even spit without hitting a barista, so why on earth could I not find an espresso stand today? I drove for several minutes up a major stretch in North Seattle, until I finally came across a drive-through espresso stand. Excellent. The sign said "Chicka Latte" and the logo was a '50s-style pinup girl.

I pulled up in my car, and the barista was leaning against the window while wearing a naughty soldier girl outfit and thigh-high fishnet stockings. It was essentially skanky lingerie. Do I need to remind you that it was snowing? The other barista was wearing a halter-top/camisole type thing and a very short pleated skirt. I think she was supposed to be a schoolgirl.

I was a little thrown off by this. I just wanted coffee. I'm not offended by girls dressed in lingerie, but I want to be prepared to be around the scantily clad. I think that the store logo should have been more provocative in order to foreshadow things to come. I kept staring straight ahead because I felt like it was rude of me to look directly at them. This espresso stand is in the parking lot of an auto supply store. Very strange. I got my drink, handed over my money while looking at the girls as little as possible. I hope they make good tips, but it seems like they'd make more money at Hooters. Also, I think Hooters is less degrading than being forced to dress up like a naughty schoolgirl at work. Not much less degrading, but a little!

So, gangster movie with lactation, rat abscesses, random springtime snow, and nearly naked baristas. Um, yeah.

~Zoe Doom

These are a few of my favorite things...

Hmm, what is my favorite thing?

Hockey fights?

No, hockey stick.

Well, I do love having a yellow hockey stick in the corner of my apartment (and the ability to use it), but I think my favorite thing is Doctor Who.


Of course, I do adore Sawyer...

but he's not really a "thing". Oh, of course! The thing I love most of all is...

lima beans!

Love, Tegan Jovanka

Well Played, Zoe Doom

Isn't Zoe Doom, like, the coolest name ever?!!

Yes, it certainly IS.

Rock on with your bad self,
Tegan Jovanka

Weird Food

I'm obsessed with weird food and drinks. I don't want to consume anything too weird, but I like knowing that the weirdness is out there. I was recently in the beer/wine aisle at my local grocery store, and was greeted by the following:




In case you're unaware, Clamato is a mixture of tomato juice and clam broth. I don't know why anyone would mix Clamato with beer, let alone cheap, light beer in a 24 ounce can. The label claims it is "the perfect combination," but I have my doubts.

Also weird: bread in a can.

I have a confession to make. Once upon a time, many years ago, I let my curiosity get the best of me and I actually purchased and tasted brown bread in a can. It wasn't nearly as horrifying as one would expect. It is, however, still weird.

Love,
Zoe Doom

Quirky

I’ve always been somewhat of an anti-social weirdo. In my youth I had a few friends, yes, but I went on a whopping total of two dates in high school, and one of those was a pity set-up so my best friend could drag me to homecoming without me being a third wheel. College was more or less the same. This never bothered me much, except in the ever-decreasing attempts of friends to set me up with boys (and occasionally girls), or on rare occasions when I’d get quizzed about my perpetual state of singlehood. My family never questioned it, and I’m thankful for that. This may not seem all that strange, but as I barrel towards my 30th birthday, I find myself in a smaller and smaller portion of the minority.

About eight years ago, I went on a quest to find others like myself. It was around that time that I stumbled upon AVEN, the Asexuality Visibility and Education Network. AVEN was in its humble beginnings back then, and was essentially just a Yahoo group and a bare-bones website. It is now a bustling forum for men and women with little or no sexual desire to discuss what they want out of life, love, and relationships. I was in contact with founder David Jay for a while, but we’ve lost touch. I veered away from AVEN for a few years, but one day I stumbled upon a book that spoke even more to me and my particular predicament – Quirkyalone: A Manifesto for Uncompromising Romantics.

I’ve never enjoyed labeling myself, but the label of a quirkyalone is quite versatile and I feel comfortable with it. There are several categories, and you don’t need to be single to fit in. Quirkyalones are introspective, often shy, creative, whimsical, and rebellious. To quote author Sasha Cagen, “We are the puzzle pieces who seldom fit with other puzzle pieces.”

If I do ever marry, which is unlikely, I know that there are others out there who identify with my values and share my ideals. I'm not the type to settle with someone because I'm afraid to be alone, and I'm not going to date just because I happen to be single. I know many women who are afraid of being single and end up settling for the first guy they find. I tend to have what I can only call "intense friendships." I've had "breakups" with people I've never dated or gone out with. More often than not, it's because there are people value their sexual relationships above their friendships, which means I've been pushed to the side and discounted a few times. I have never understood that line of thinking, my friends mean damn near everything to me.

International Quirkyalone Day is February 14th. It's not anti-Valentine's Day...it just happens to coincide with V-Day. I have never celebrated it, but perhaps I will if I ever meet others like me in person.


With love,

Zoe Doom

Inspiration

Tracy Ullman is perhaps the Goddess of Weird. I love her! Jackie Collins is definitely weird, but weird in a good way? This website is overwhelmingly weird. Why is Anna Nicole the first picture? Disturbing.

~Tegan Jovanka

Taco Romance

At the beginning of this year, a co-worker told me that some of her friends were keeping a "taco tally" of all the tacos they ate in 2008. I decided I would keep my own count, not realizing how disturbing the results would soon be.

So far, I'm up to 44 tacos. 44! This means I'm averaging 3.67 tacos a week. At the beginning of this month (27 tacos), I became alarmed at the number of tacos I was eating, and pledged to stop eating lunch at the cafe at my work, where my default order was the taco platter. Everything is really greasy at that place, and there's probably 1,000 calories in that meal. I figured my taco tally would slow with the lack of taco lunches; yet, my taco consumption has only increased! I don't understand it. I think I'm a taco addict.

It may have something to do with tacos being my default meal any time I go out. If there are tacos on the menu, I'll order them. And, the fact that my default place to get dinner or lunch when I don't have food at home is El Super Taco. Finally, I am gluten intolerant so corn is my friend. Despite this, I swear that tacos are not my favorite food. Green curry is my favorite, but I haven't found a really solid Thai restaurant near my work or apartment. I am searching, though. I also bought a Thai cookbook so I could learn to make it myself, but that project has stalled.

I really don't want to know how many pieces of sushi I've eaten this year.

Love, Tegan Jovanka