Quirky

I’ve always been somewhat of an anti-social weirdo. In my youth I had a few friends, yes, but I went on a whopping total of two dates in high school, and one of those was a pity set-up so my best friend could drag me to homecoming without me being a third wheel. College was more or less the same. This never bothered me much, except in the ever-decreasing attempts of friends to set me up with boys (and occasionally girls), or on rare occasions when I’d get quizzed about my perpetual state of singlehood. My family never questioned it, and I’m thankful for that. This may not seem all that strange, but as I barrel towards my 30th birthday, I find myself in a smaller and smaller portion of the minority.

About eight years ago, I went on a quest to find others like myself. It was around that time that I stumbled upon AVEN, the Asexuality Visibility and Education Network. AVEN was in its humble beginnings back then, and was essentially just a Yahoo group and a bare-bones website. It is now a bustling forum for men and women with little or no sexual desire to discuss what they want out of life, love, and relationships. I was in contact with founder David Jay for a while, but we’ve lost touch. I veered away from AVEN for a few years, but one day I stumbled upon a book that spoke even more to me and my particular predicament – Quirkyalone: A Manifesto for Uncompromising Romantics.

I’ve never enjoyed labeling myself, but the label of a quirkyalone is quite versatile and I feel comfortable with it. There are several categories, and you don’t need to be single to fit in. Quirkyalones are introspective, often shy, creative, whimsical, and rebellious. To quote author Sasha Cagen, “We are the puzzle pieces who seldom fit with other puzzle pieces.”

If I do ever marry, which is unlikely, I know that there are others out there who identify with my values and share my ideals. I'm not the type to settle with someone because I'm afraid to be alone, and I'm not going to date just because I happen to be single. I know many women who are afraid of being single and end up settling for the first guy they find. I tend to have what I can only call "intense friendships." I've had "breakups" with people I've never dated or gone out with. More often than not, it's because there are people value their sexual relationships above their friendships, which means I've been pushed to the side and discounted a few times. I have never understood that line of thinking, my friends mean damn near everything to me.

International Quirkyalone Day is February 14th. It's not anti-Valentine's Day...it just happens to coincide with V-Day. I have never celebrated it, but perhaps I will if I ever meet others like me in person.


With love,

Zoe Doom